Divine Interruption
Inside the paneled Glory Hole, four anonymous voices confess their brushes with faith and doubt. Their words slice sanctioned scripture, tunneling down to the messy, unholy well beneath.
For the sake of anonymity, each of the interviewees will be referred to in this article with a random pseudonym I have assigned to their responses.
Meet your dinner guests:
Anubis
Dilmun
Nammu
Lethe
Question 1: Do you identify your beliefs with a title or tradition? If not, invent a name for your personal belief system.
Anubis: Most closely atheist I guess
Dilmun: a type of occult belief but I don't necessarily align with any specific practice
Nammu: If I had to invent a name for my current belief system it would be called Solism- from sol (sun) and soul. My spirituality is inspired by living in light, love, inner growth, and focusing on karmic patterns.
Lethe: My beliefs consist of a range of ideas, yet if I were to put a name to it, I guess it would be: "Hindu Pagan." I combine the practices of Hinduism stemming from my Indian heritage and passion for yoga/meditation, with the ancient pagan practices that align with the natural cycle of the seasons. Believe it or not... I was actually raised and baptized as Catholic, yet here I am haha!
Question 2: What was your first brush with god, religion, occult, or the divine? How did it land for you — wonder, fear, comfort, confusion, disbelief? or something else...?
Anubis: I was forced my whole childhood to go to church and hated every second. I always felt like I was missing something because no magical higher power ever spoke to me.
Dilmun: i'd have to say through drugs or death. I've been visited by deceased relatives but the closest I feel to the subtle is when I'm under the influence
Nammu: I kinda grew up catholic. I got baptized and did First Communion and my family only went to church on holidays because my extended family went. so it felt more like tradition than faith. As a child I was confused by how god could be real and I hyper-fixated on how jesus could be resurrected. I was also feeling like i was always being watched as if god was floating in the sky. so when i would do “bad” things as a child i would have so much anxiety that I would go to hell and that god and my ancestors saw everything. I even remember thinking if they are always watching where can I change my clothes in private.
But post college I’ve revisited my religious and spiritual beliefs especially in the past couple years, things started to shift. I had some weirdly aligned moments where it felt like the universe was way too intentional for all of this to be random. That’s when I started to feel like maybe there is something bigger. just knowing that what we put out comes back, and that life has a higher purpose than working hard and creating a family. I keep having more quiet “ohhh… I see now” moments that have opened my eyes a bit more to spirituality.
Lethe: Although I was raised Catholic and had a belief in some higher power, my faith was instantly questioned when my father died (at age eleven), causing this to be the most memorable first brush with trying to understand the divine. Since his passing I have gone through a whirlwind of ups and downs with my spirituality. My dad died on the Epiphany, which is a commonly celebrated religious holiday signifying when the three kings brought gifts to Jesus (which is especially acknowledged in the Hispanic culture by giving gifts to one another). As a kid, I used this revelation of his death date as a tool of comfort to remind me that my dad's time was justified as he is now God's gift. However, going to a Catholic high school caused me to entirely re-question my faith and belief in "God," creating a chaotic mess of confusion and anger until I finally came to terms with my true spirituality more recently in life.
Question 3: What feels like a sacred experience to you? What do you worship, consciously or not? Feel free to share what prayer, ritual or intentional connection looks like in your sphere.
Anubis: Motherhood. I don’t really believe in any higher powers or divine guiding light but the connection with my kids is a special kind of magic.
Dilmun: anything that requires trust, vulnerability, or growth. I always find that in my sadness or in my flux or discomfort is where the magic lives inside of me. I try to worship gratefulness and enjoy wholeheartedly. that is my offering of thanks
Nammu: Being alone in nature. Telling the truth. Crying to release happy and sad emotions. Watching the ocean. Cooking and eating with intention. Moments when things align and I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be is so sacred. I think I worship clarity and connection… to the universe, to myself, to other people. Ritual is just slowing down and meaning whatever it is that im doing.
Lethe: The present moment is the most sacred experience we have as humans. It encompasses all of the insight, love, and divinity we need to understand enlightenment and our true purpose (as many spiritual leaders and prophets, like Jesus, Gandhi, etc. have tried to express). Therefore, I try to embrace every moment by savoring the world around me and the experiences I am blessed to endure. However, if you wanted a closer glimpse at what my divine connection may specifically look like... it includes using this foundational basis of the present moment in combination with various practices, like yoga, breathwork, meditation/prayer, pagan rituals with herbs and connecting to nature (infused with Hindu inspiration when applicable), and making herbal tea. You can truly allow any aspect of life to be sacred, as long as it is sacred to YOU!
Question 4: What’s one thing you believe in with your whole being, even if there’s no proof?
Anubis: People are all connected. Every existence affects another so your good (or bad) day can start a chain with others.
Dilmun: that being good matters, that loving and sacrificing, even while being messy and human and flawed, matters
Nammu: Everything happens for a reason. It is so cliche but i believe that every experience is an opportunity to show us where we are either in alignment or out of alignment. These are lessons and opportunities to make choices and the more and more choices we make in love and truth, the closer we are to self and peace.
Lethe: Death is not the end, it is the beginning (of something new).
Question 5: What people, places, or experiences have sparked any spiritual or religious conversions in your life? Or oppositely, de-converted you?
Anubis: This is so silly but sports. Why are all these athletes thanking god and pointing to the sky when they score a point or win a game? It’s actually insane to me! God did not do this for you, you put in the work! It’s such an ick but I feel like I have to talk about it every time to see if I’m crazy lol
Dilmun: traveling. breakups. mental health struggles. healing from trauma. realizing that if there is a higher power that it isn't involved the way religion seems to imagine
Nammu: I would say currently in dating and meeting new friends this comes up the most.
Lethe: Although I do cherish the time I had at my Catholic high school, its moral foundation and overall religious structure is something I will forever despise, as it forced me to not only be disgusted by religion for a while, but to fall into a dark hole of confusion and despair about myself and my life. As someone who went into this school as openly queer, I will never forget the phone call I had with my mom after a Theology class during my freshman year where I sobbed because the priest said that anyone who was not heterosexual was going to burn in hell. Realizing that the school AND most of my peers had vastly different values than I did coerced me to steer far away from anything religious, until I finally realized that not everyone religious/spiritual thinks the same way as the more radical, conservative Catholics I was surrounded by, and that I had the freedom to choose and customize my spiritual path.
Question 6: If the idea of heaven, a holy altar, or a utopia could take physical form — completely tailored to you — what would it be?
Anubis: Sitting on a deck overlooking the water with a yummy snack or cozy drink. Specifically in the fall so the air is crisp and I can wear a sweatshirt
Dilmun: laying by a body of water, no one needs clothes because we are not sexualized. our bodies are beautiful in their form. we snack on foods and drink an endless supply of wine, there are performances and music. we dance, we swim. we work to support the whole community instead of being in competition. relationships are fluid and love is free and unconditional
Nammu: it would definitely be on a beach. it would feel like peace. Nothing missing and not needing anything at all, complete comfort.
Lethe: Despite how crazy I may sound at first glance, I have personal insight of what the afterlife may end up looking like for me. As mentioned prior, death is NOT the end, and I am fortunate to have the ability to communicate with my deceased father's spirit who's shown me the island where his soul resides. Therefore, my idea of a heaven/utopia/afterlife is a serene body of crystal-clear ocean water where you can float for eternity at peace and admire the endless aquatic creatures below, with a single island posed perfectly under the sun's rays and energy, full of never-ending nature and biodiversity, with the entire realm (both land and water) blooming with love and energy from the entirety of my ancestral line.
Question 7: Oppositely, describe your own personal hell.
Anubis: A room full of people making different bodily noises
Dilmun: literally am—rica in its current state
Nammu: Living in chaos. Having no alone time to recharge. perform to survive/fit in.
Lethe: When we die, we can either face the light and our soul lives on (or what most people refer to as "going to heaven"), or we can turn away from the light in fear (which we are unfortunately conditioned to do in this society... live in fear). When we turn away from the light, we never get to experience the eternal enlightenment we each deserve and instead simply cease to exist (or "go to hell"). As a result, my own personal hell would be that I never reach the point in this lifetime of living fully fearlessly and in the moment, so then when I die, I am unable to go through the light and be with my father and ancestors.
Question 8: Are you rooted in the concept of fate, free will, or something in between?
Anubis: Free will BUT your actions can change the course of another. Free will doesn’t mean no consequences or ripples.
Dilmun: both. but we make our own fate. I believe things will occur the way they should, but we also form it ourselves, we can step off the bus at any stop and reroute
Nammu: i don’t think we’re just puppets, but we’re not totally in control either. It’s like life gives us the same test over and over until we respond differently. I don’t think we can avoid what’s meant for us, but we can definitely delay it with free will.
Lethe: I would say I am definitely somewhere in between. We, of course, as humans have control over our decisions and outcomes, yet at the same time there must be some sort of divine control to guide humans in the right direction. Plus, there are various things that happen in life that we simply cannot control (such as my father's death), so I feel we are in a constant cycle of enduring both fate and free will.
Question 9: Finish this sentence: To me, god is __________
Anubis: Baloney
Dilmun: joy
Nammu: love
Lethe: An encompassment of all energy, all divine beings, and the entirety of all life (existence) into one eternal union.
Question 10: What do you think happens when we die? Have you always thought this, or has it changed over time?
Anubis: Literally nothing. It’s kind of bleak but I’ve always felt like logic points me to there being nothing after, we just stop.
Dilmun: i'm not sure. I think there is an essence that lives on. I'm not sure if it ascends or if it reincarnates, or if it just enjoys rest.
Nammu: I have no clue and i’ve always been curious.
Lethe: A few prior questions go into depth about what I think happens when we die, yet this was not at all what I have always thought. Before awakening to my current state of spirituality, I assumed that death was just blackhole of nothingness, as the whole Catholic concept of heaven and hell always seemed silly and inaccurately portrayed to allow for the Church to control people. With my dad's passing, I went through bouts of confusion where I was "not" afraid of death because I was suicidal, versus when I became purely terrified of the concept of death after realizing I did not want to die, especially prematurely due to my own actions. It has been profoundly healing to finally come to terms with death, as I can now focus more on embracing the present and appreciating what may come in the afterlife.
Question 11: Have you ever had a tender, strange, or profound experience that awoke you, changed you or touched you?
Anubis: On my honeymoon I was reading a book and all at once I heard “you should work with old people.” It wasn’t me randomly thinking “I should” but rather being told that it was where I should be. No idea who said it to me but I swear it happened and I still think about it.
Dilmun: yeah. I do think my gut leads me right at times. I have a strong sense of intuition, even if some would think it's paranoid. I really just try to avoid consistent involvement with situations or people that my body is screaming no to. It's not personal or judgmental, it just isn't aligned.
Nammu: Yes but it wasn’t loud or profound. I was just going through a rough breakup and crying in pain everyday for like 3 months straight. One day out of nowhere I felt this overwhelming sense of calm and comfort. I think i had a moment of realization that I didn’t want to hold onto this feeling of aloness and hurt anymore. And I was like fuck it I’m going to just let go of trying to wonder when the day will come that i won’t feel like this anymore or the day that i will feel happy again. It felt like the universe was holding space for me to not be okay and weirdly that made me feel okay.
Lethe: All of the spiritual experiences I have had with my deceased father have profoundly shaped my perspective on life and death, while motivating me to continue strengthening my own divine connection and enjoying the spiritual path I am trucking along.
Question 12: Do concepts like hell, sin, evil, the devil, or karma hold any weight for you? Are they metaphors, myths, warnings, or something else entirely?
Anubis: Def no, just people trying to scare you
Dilmun: these concepts are here to provoke fear and keep people within moral boundaries. I think if you believe in good and love, if you mess up, you start again, you apologize and take responsibility, and you evolve from it into a better you. i think intention really holds more value than anything else.
Nammu: Yes I believe in karma. I believe in more of a balancing way and not so much of a revenge way. I think evil and hell are just living in fear and straying far from who you are.
Lethe: These are concepts we have created to fathom and utilize the divine connection we have as humans. Each holds it own subjective weight depending on the person and their beliefs. The concept of karma is something I hold closely to my heart, as truly anything we put out into the world is bound to come back to us somehow, as all of the energy in existence is intricately connected by an invisible web.
Question 13: What do you think the purpose of life is? Interpret this however.
Anubis: Honestly there isn’t one specific purpose. I will always wish happiness and connection on others because I think that’s what makes life worth living.
Dilmun: to feel. to experience. to be mortal.
Nammu: Inner growth and peace. I love the saying “we’re all just walking each other home” I think that’s the whole point
Lethe: The purpose of life is to find your own meaning, and this is up to the person at hand to describe. The quote that is on my dad's headstone, that happened to be his high school senior yearbook quote, is something I truly love sharing with anyone I can, as his words hold immense meaning, plus it makes you rethink the cliche saying of YOLO: "You only live once. If you live right, once is enough." I will allow you to interpret his quote in your own way! (:
Question 14: What’s your talisman word — one that splits time, softens the veil, or brings you back to your body?
Anubis: I don’t really think I have one but when I was in labor I repeated “you’re safe” which helped to keep me present. Sometimes when I’m really anxious I try the same.
Dilmun: surrender
Nammu: I don’t think I have one
Lethe: I may not have a specific word that softens the veil or splits time, as that tends to be more of a feeling for me... However, it does not matter where I am or what I am doing, if I simply put my hands in prayer at heart center and say, "Namaste," either aloud or in my head, then I am instantly transported back into my body and into the present moment.
Question 15: If a greater being were eavesdropping right now, what would you say?
Anubis: Dude figure your ish out. If you have any control please fix this mess
Dilmun: i think I would just let it into my mundane mind and let it see its creation. I'm not sure I have anything specific to say. maybe an aura of gratefulness for whatever it does to keep me moving in the right direction. maybe just show it my heart.
Nammu: soo whats my karmic balance looking like? am i close to being debt free😂
Lethe: I already know Lakshmi is currently eavesdropping on me right now as I read this question hahah, soooo... "Thank you endlessly for the eternal guidance, blessings, and abundance you provide. Without your support, I would not have discovered my wings and learned to fly. Thank you for never failing to remind me to take a breath, laugh a little, and dance it out. Om hreem shreem Laxmibhyo namah."
Question 16: What does truth feel like in your body?
Anubis: It feels like a nod. A rush of warmth to my head and a gentle smile of security.
Dilmun: glow and levitation
Nammu: calmness
Lethe: The truth feels like the present moment... the bliss of being.
Question 17: What does falsehood feel like in your body?
Anubis: A sinking. I feel the energy leaving my head and my facial features are heavier.
Dilmun: my organs twisting, heat coming up to my cheeks
Nammu: confusion
Lethe: Falsehood feels like a demon or toxic entity burrowing and devouring my insides.
Question 18: Is there a part of your belief system you avoid talking about, defending, or even confronting? If so, why do you think that is?
Anubis: By far the hardest part for me is debating the what if. I HATE continually discussing what powers exist, is god real, etc when we will never know. I don’t even feel it’s worth my time or energy to discuss when it’s such a mystery. I don’t find it fun I find it exhausting
Dilmun: some people don't react positively to my occult affiliations or interests. I don't push it on others, but I'm not embarrassed to share that it is a big part of my life.
Nammu: The parts that contradict themselves. I feel like I started back on my spiritual journey 6 years ago and there are still things that I believe that are rooted in my catholic upbringing that I have a hard time understanding or making sense of. And there are beliefs that I have that can’t realistically be true at the same time but I believe in both.
Lethe: In the Hindu culture, you are either Hindu or you are not, meaning it is not a religion you can convert to, as you must be of Indian descent. Although I do understand this strict foundation, I feel that with the subjective, free nature of spirituality/religiosity (especially in our modern era) that anyone interested in the practices of Hinduism should be able to openly engage. This should truly go for any religion or form of spirituality, as if someone feels drawn to the practices and beliefs, then they should be able to identify with that community without fear or consequences.
Question 19: If you could offer one spiritual-adjacent truth, insight, or principle to whoever’s reading... what would it be?
Anubis: I’m not cynical about people having a greater force helping them through life. You do you and life is so tough sometimes. I hope everyone does what they need but remember empathy always.
Dilmun: religion has been molded by other's hands for generations, and we are expected to simply apply someone else's fit to our own body and life. I say to take inspiration from it and form your own mold. the important bits are giving ourselves love, hope, and strength. everything else is just mere bias. what works for others can still be valid, and not applicable to us.
Nammu: Listen when life whispers to you😌
Lethe: Your spiritual/religious path is solely up to how YOU create it, so do not let anyone or anything tell you what to do or not do... just do you.
Thank you for sharing this intimate space with our interviewees. Please be respectful of their vulnerability and anonymity. And thank you to those very humans who took the time to expose a very intimate extremity in this sacred space referred to as ‘The Glory Hole’.
Tune in soon for another anonymous interview and feel free to reach out to me if you’re interested in being interviewed!
All interviews are conducted anonymously through an open google form link.