Let's Dish
On the menu at the Glory Hole: five anonymous mouths chew on their relationship to food. They slice, sip, and snack through cravings, rituals, and the etiquette of the table.
For the sake of anonymity, each of the interviewees will be referred to in this article with a random pseudonym I have assigned to their responses.
Meet your dinner guests:
Sugarfang
Rusty Ladle
Sir Saucin’
Gristle Licker
Madame Umami
Question 1: Only one condiment remains on earth... it is?
Sugarfang: Mayonnaise
Rusty Ladle: Dijon mustard
Sir Saucin’: brown mustard, the rest can go
Gristle Licker: Yellow mustard
Madame Umami: Omg chili oil? Controversial?
Question 2: Is your tooth sweet, salty, sour, bitter, or??
Sugarfang: Savory 99% of time
Rusty Ladle: Sweet
Sir Saucin’: a bit of each but I love things that are sour or vinegar-y
Gristle Licker: Briney! Give me olives, give me pickled red onions, give me pickled asparagus
Madame Umami: Salty
Question 3: Are your memories to food and cooking tenderhearted, complex, nostalgic, or something else? Share in as much or as little detail as you please.
Sugarfang: I grew up cooking with my mom. My love for cooking and food is all due to that experience. I have a deep love for flavors and trying new things because of her. I would say all my memories to food are positive but range based on the moment
Rusty Ladle: Nostalgic
Sir Saucin’: both! have had an ED but also spent alot of time baking and cooking with family growing up. i've sort of reclaimed my relationship with cooking and food. although with the price of living and space in our current place, I don't cook anything elaborate these days.
Gristle Licker: My food memories are tender - I remember my grandma would always show us love by making dish on top of dish every time we would visit. Even to this day, when Christmas rolls around or any major food holiday really, she steps into her favorite role: as the matriarch who fuels us with meals, goodies, sweets, and savory treats.
Madame Umami: Food and cooking definitely hold two memories in my mind. Looking back on growing up food and cooking feels nostalgic and lovely. Memories of smelling my mom’s cooking and eating food along family and friends that tied to my culture were such happy memories that definitely hold a part of my identity today. However, now a days food and cooking hold more of a stressful/ function kind of role in my life where I see food as necessary fuel and am always stressing about when Ill have time to cook a meal due to busy work life. I still love going out to eat and enjoy flavors and textures and food as a concept so much but sometimes Im just like jfc ive worked all day I wish there was a yummier cooler healthier microwave instant alternative that was equal to a home cooked meal by my mom
Question 4: Do you have any food habits that have gotten you in an argument before?
Sugarfang: I’m notoriously indecisive at restaurants and usually leads to people having to wait on me to decide what i want, and usually it’s so stressful to me that i end up genuinely distraught. It’s lead to arguments lol
Rusty Ladle: Previously when I didn’t eat meat, partners would shame me for it
Sir Saucin’: I don't like to time my pasta, I'm italian! apparently boiling it off vibes isn't a good practice... idk!
Gristle Licker: not particularly
Madame Umami: Maybe with myself? I tend to binge / eat out of boredom when Im baked and I always find myself being like dude wtf
Question 5: What is the most plate-lick worthy meal you have ever had?
Sugarfang: Honestly the Tex Mex meal I’ve grown up getting at my hometown restaurant. Bean burrito covered in chilli. I’ve had a lot of lick worthy meals but that one i crave constantly and i don’t get it often anymore since im not in my hometown
Rusty Ladle: A bomb ass risotto
Sir Saucin’: carbonara with THICK pancetta bits and an in-tact egg yolk on top
Gristle Licker: It was this Spanish restaurant in DC - called Taberna del Alabardero. Every single plate was lick-worthy. I'm not an order dessert at a restaurant person, but their churros had me converted.
Madame Umami: Oh my godddd either my moms “carne sudada” would lick the plate literally any time or OR this pollo con mole I had at Ginger Rabbit in Columbus that felt so full of love and deliciousness I could die
Question 6: Do you cook differently when you're alone versus when you're hosting?
Sugarfang: Yes. I love cooking. But i love cooking alone for myself more than for others. My taste palette is different than a lot of other people and cooking for others turns stressful for me because i want it to be perfect
Rusty Ladle: Absolutely. I put more effort into making food when hosting. I do simple & bare minimum for myself
Sir Saucin’: for sure! I always pull out the big muscles for my babes. Even cooking for my husband, he likes a more balanced meal. During COVID i would live off of kale, bell peppers and brussel sprouts.
Gristle Licker: When I'm alone, I prefer what I call "rat time." I scrounge around in the fridge and pantry and try to use my imagination what I can come up with. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it's disgusting, but the stakes are low because it's just me. Cooking for others is more refined. Either following a recipe, or sticking to something I know will turn out.
Madame Umami: Not really
Question 7: Are there any non-negotiable steps for you in cooking or preparing a plate to eat?
Sugarfang: 1. 99% of the time i need a sauce 2. A good beverage
Rusty Ladle: I don’t want anyone’s help and no one in my kitchen
Sir Saucin’: A shit ton of olive oil haha.
Gristle Licker: A non-negotiable is that my environment needs to be clean before I start cooking. I hate starting to cook a dish in a mess kitchen.
Madame Umami: Clean kitchen if anything but not anything beyond that
Question 8: Do you clean while cooking or leave the mess for later you to deal with?
Sugarfang: Leave the mess for later which is a fatal flaw of mine
Rusty Ladle: Always clean as you go
Sir Saucin’: clean while cooking
Gristle Licker: A little of both - depending on the mood. I prefer to clean while I go, but that doesn't always happen.
Madame Umami: Definitely while cooking or Ill at least set it up to be cleaned closely after
Question 9: What dish or food do you find erotic?
Sugarfang: I’ve never really considered a food erotic
Rusty Ladle: Oysters
Sir Saucin’: oysters and a dirty martini, breath probably smells rancid though
Gristle Licker: Pasta - especially paired with wine ;)
Madame Umami: Sashimi!!!
Question 10: What dish or food do you find repulsive?
Sugarfang: honestly can’t think of one because i eat literally everything
Rusty Ladle: Any food that makes that weird moist sound (I’ll probz still eat it though)
Sir Saucin’: any type of thick rubbery cheese- mozzarella is soooo gross. I like it on pizza or on things but a caprese salad is my WORST nightmare.
Gristle Licker: Enchiladas! Don't get me wrong, I love enchiladas, if they're prepared in the way I like, which usually they are not. It's a texture thing - I hate how mushy they are usually. I don't love how mushy gushy they are, I need a little crunch and texture variety.
Madame Umami: Ketchup ??
Question 11: What dish or food do you find sad?
Sugarfang: An overcooked steak
Rusty Ladle: Anything that’s not seasoned correctly or if there’s a lack of colour on the plate
Sir Saucin’: my great grandmas cannoli recipe. it makes me miss my pop
Gristle Licker: Anything without a vegetable.
Madame Umami: Traditional salads for the most part
Question 12: What dish or food do you find joyful?
Sugarfang: Breakfast is always really joyful to me. I love eggs and all the different ways you can cook them. I look forward to my mornings cooking breakfast
Rusty Ladle: I think all food can be joyful
Sir Saucin’: cake, steak, or lobster. you cannot be purely unhappy eating these.
Gristle Licker: My mom's chicken and kluski soup!
Madame Umami: Pasta!!
Question 13: What is the strangest thing you've ever eaten? Share context or a story if you please.
Sugarfang: I can’t really think of anything
Rusty Ladle: Creamed sea snail. It’s a common dish in New Zealand that I cannot understand and do not want try again. The texture is odd and the general idea of creamed snail is a big no
Sir Saucin’: crickets! yummy. also duck heart but it was pretty bland.
Gristle Licker: I used to be obsessed with canned vienna sausages. Oh my god I would eat those things up until one day I got sick off of them and it just wasn't the same anymore. Bologna also wasn't the same after The Incident. Same vibe and texture.
Madame Umami: Weirdly enough- nothing comes to mind
Question 14: What is something unconventional you do regarding cooking/eating/serving food?
Sugarfang: Not necessarily unconventional but I’m the type of person that wants all the fixings and toppings. I need to try every sauce and all the fixings that are optional
Rusty Ladle: Guest did not respond to this interview question.
Sir Saucin’: i like eating with the little fork, it feels right to me.
Gristle Licker: If I had it my way, everything would be from scratch - chicken stock, bread, butter, etc. I think that's why I love Thanksgiving so much. Because the holiday is so food-centric, it gives me the perfect excuse and environment to go all out and really flex my from-scratch muscles. Days ahead, I'm simmering my stock, I'm baking my sourdough that will be left out to stale for croutons (for the stuffing, the fresh salad, and mac and cheese breadcrumbs) and chopping everything so finely so that my superbowl event runs smoothly. It truly is the best day and I'm so excited to start writing my menu.
Madame Umami: I don’t wash my rice and deem it not necessary
Question 15: Is there any food you won’t eat anymore, and why?
Sugarfang: Nothing comes to mind
Rusty Ladle: Most fish but especially salmon. I think I overate it too much when I was pescatarian and now it makes my nauseous
Sir Saucin’: first thing that comes to mind is slim jims because I ate them with a yogurt as a kid and it made me so sick.. sorry that is such a cursed combo
Gristle Licker: See my vienna sausage story!!!!
Madame Umami: Ketchup it just gives me the fucking ick like tomatoes sugar and vinegar what the fuck is that let's be serious
Question 16: leftovers... yay or nay?
Sugarfang: YAYYYY i am passionate about leftovers
Rusty Ladle: Oh yeah
Sir Saucin’: yay-- for most things!
Gristle Licker: absolute yay! I love a soggy salad, I love cold pasta, I'm a leftover enthusiast.
Madame Umami: Mood and vibe dependent
Question 17: If you could only eat one cuisine for the rest of your existence, what would you choose?
Sugarfang: Probably Mexican
Rusty Ladle: Italian
Sir Saucin’: this is impossible. indian food maybe?
Gristle Licker: Italian - 10000000%
Madame Umami: Chinese /Asian
Question 18: When you're drunk, exhausted, sad, or high, what is your go-to food? Choose your adventure.
Sugarfang: ugh anything processed. I appreciate alll ranges of food on the spectrum but I’m so comforted by chef boyardee, lunchables, Velveeta, 7/11 taquitos. The other thing that comes to mind is chipotle
Rusty Ladle: Taco Bell or Cheese-Itz
Sir Saucin’: buttered noodles
Gristle Licker: So gross, but I love a big ole loaded fry. I love when Mexican restaurants have the nacho option but you can sub out fries. Or just a classic bar food restaurant loaded fry. So greasy, gross, and delicious.
Madame Umami: Asian food (dumplings or sushi specifically) moreso when exhausted/go to or soup (lentil and Italian sausage or chicken noodle) (sad / high)!GONNA HIT EVERY TIME
Question 19: What ingredient could you sneak into any dish if you were allowed to?
Sugarfang: i can’t really think of anything that’s needs to be in every dish, but spice is importsnt to me depending
Rusty Ladle: Minced garlic
Sir Saucin’: olives
Gristle Licker: Cardamom for baking Spinach for cooking Maldon finishing salt for both
Madame Umami: Garlic or chili oil
Question 20: What flavor combination is so bad it should be banned?
Sugarfang: this isn’t so bad it should be banned but I’ve never agreed with cottage cheese and anything sweet
Rusty Ladle: The list is too long
Sir Saucin’: anything with peanut butter. I do not like peanut butter.
Gristle Licker: Ketchup and eggs!!! Unless it's on a bagel.
Madame Umami: Pineapple on pizza
Question 21: If you could conjure up a banquet with impossible skill and infinite ingredients... what would you serve your favorite people?
Sugarfang: Simply the most perfect steak
Rusty Ladle: Honestly this is hard because I’d make a ridiculous amount of food. Endive salad, classic Cesar salad, steamed mussels & oysters, roasted chicken with veg, homemade pasta. Then a variety of tarts, macarons, and bars
Sir Saucin’: five course meal with palette cleanse between, digestifs, endless wine pairings, multiple entree choices, soup, salad, dessert cart.
Gristle Licker: Lobster cobb salad. Or something that takes all day to make - something braised like a short rib.
Madame Umami: Id do a 3 course dinner with a mix of meats grains veg/fruit/acid and cheese for apps followed by asian or italian for main course either sashimi or like mussels or clam pasta and then creme brûlée for dessert
Question 22: Oppositely... what would you serve your worst enemies or least favorite characters?
Sugarfang: Steamed zucchini or squash
Rusty Ladle: Haggis
Sir Saucin’: slim jims and yogurt, you'll understand my pain.
Gristle Licker: Boiled chicken - unsalted
Madame Umami: VERY well done steak
Question 23: At your dream table, are you the cook, the guest, or the critic?
Sugarfang: Probably the critic
Rusty Ladle: The critic
Sir Saucin’: guest
Gristle Licker: I'm all of the above!! I want to cook for all of my friends, dine with them, then critic my own cooking (while they tell me nooooooo it was soooooo good)
Madame Umami: Guest but critic in my head
Question 24: Drop your most niche snack combination, recipe recommendation, cuisine to try, or whatever yummy wisdom your mind cooks up!
Sugarfang: A soft creamy omelette with cheese and any sort of veggies and French fries.
Rusty Ladle: Lemon Cheesecake I made recently* (RECIPE ADDED TO BOTTOM OF INTERVIEW)
Sir Saucin’: this isn't really niche-- just french-- but radishes with butter and salt and a touch of caviar. i'm frothing at the mouth writing this.
Gristle Licker: I'm in a big ice cream kick right now. I haven't yet made it, but on my list is sweet corn ice cream! Maybe since summer is waning, I'll make it a priority for next year
Madame Umami: Colombian hot chocolate OR ice cream and fries
Thank you for sharing this intimate space with our interviewees. Please be respectful of their vulnerability and anonymity. And thank you to those very humans who took the time to expose a very intimate extremity in this sacred space referred to as ‘The Glory Hole’.
Tune in soon for another anonymous interview and feel free to reach out to me if you’re interested in being interviewed!
All interviews are conducted anonymously through an open google form link.
*Lemon Cheescake Recipe via Rusty Ladle:
Ingredients:Graham Cracker Crust
1 and 3/4 cups (210g) graham cracker crumbs (about 14 full-sheet graham crackers)
5 Tablespoons (71g) unsalted butter, melted
1/4 cup (50g) granulated sugar
Cheesecake:
1 and 1/4 cups (250g) granulated sugar
1 Tablespoon packed lemon zest (about 1 lemon)
32 ounces (904g) full-fat brick cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1/2 cup (120ml) fresh lemon juice (about 3-4 lemons), at room temperature
1/3 cup (80g) sour cream or plain yogurt, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 3 large eggs, at room temperature
Toppings:
3/4 cup lemon curd (highly recommended)
homemade whipped cream
lemon slices and/or fresh berries
Directions:
Adjust the oven rack to the lower-middle position and preheat oven to 350°F (177°C).
Make the crust: If you’re starting out with full graham crackers, use a food processor or blender to grind them into fine crumbs. Pour into a medium bowl and stir in sugar until combined, and then stir in the melted butter. Mixture will be sandy. Press firmly into the bottom and slightly up the sides of an ungreased 9-inch springform pan. Pat down until the mixture is no longer crumby/crumbly; you can use the flat bottom of a small measuring cup to help smooth it out if needed.
Pre-bake for 10 minutes.
Remove from the oven and place the hot pan on a large piece of aluminum foil. The foil will wrap around the pan for the water bath in step 6. Allow crust to slightly cool as you prepare the filling.
Make the lemon sugar: Place sugar in your food processor or blender. Spoon lemon zest on top. Pulse/blend until the two are blended and the lemon zest is slightly broken down, about 10-12 pulses.
Continue with the filling: Using a handheld or stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and lemon sugar together on medium-high speed in a large bowl until the mixture is smooth and creamy, about 2 minutes. Add the lemon juice, sour cream, and vanilla extract, then beat on medium-high speed until fully combined. On medium speed, add the eggs one at a time, beating after each addition until just blended. After the final egg is incorporated into the batter, stop mixing. To help prevent the cheesecake from deflating and cracking as it cools, avoid over-mixing the batter.
Pour cheesecake batter into warm crust. Use a rubber spatula or spoon to smooth it into an even layer.
Prepare the simple water bath (see Note for alternative method): If needed for extra visuals, see my How to Make a Cheesecake Water Bath; the visual guide will assist you in this step.
Boil a kettle/pot of water. You need 1 inch of water in your roasting pan for the water bath, so make sure you boil enough. I use an entire kettle of hot water. Place the pan inside of a large roasting pan. Carefully pour the hot water inside of the pan and place in the oven. (Or you can place the roasting pan in the oven first, then pour the hot water in. Whichever is easier for you.)
Time-saving tip: If topping with lemon curd, which I highly recommend, make the curd on the stove as the cheesecake bakes, so it has time to cool before using in step 10.
Bake cheesecake for 55–70 minutes or until the center is almost set. (Note: if you notice the cheesecake browning too quickly on top, tent it with aluminum foil halfway through baking.) When it’s done, the center of the cheesecake will slightly wobble if you gently tap the pan.
Turn the oven off and open the oven door slightly. Let the cheesecake sit in the oven in the water bath as it cools down for 1 hour.
Remove from the oven, lift out of the water bath, then cool uncovered cheesecake completely at room temperature.
Top with lemon curd: After cheesecake has cooled completely at room temperature, spread about 3/4 cup of lemon curd (around 1/2 of the curd recipe) on top, nearing the edge of the cheesecake without spilling over. I use an offset spatula to spread.
Refrigerate the cheesecake for at least 4 hours or overnight. Use a knife to loosen the chilled cheesecake from the rim of the springform pan, then remove the rim.
Add more garnishes like whipped cream, lemon slices, and berries, if desired. I used Wilton 1M piping tip for the pictured whipped cream.
Using a clean sharp knife, cut into slices for serving. For neat slices, wipe the knife clean and dip into warm water between each slice.
Cover and store leftover cheesecake in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.
Source: https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/lemon-cheesecake-recipe/